This is Us
As you see the title, you may believe that this blog is about the amazing show, This is Us.
But, although I wish I was married to Jack at times, this is about us. All the ones who suffer with mental illness out loud, silent or may not have an understanding at all. My understanding, personally, is that I am a fucked up individual. Anxiety, depression and sometimes manicky. Many of us think we are fucked up. Are we? Are you? or has this become out loud, talked about and acknowledged that we all existed but silently before the wave of awareness became.
I won't lie, I fear many situations due to my anxiety. I fear sleep at times. I fear self destruction due to my ability to flip shit at any moment.
Outside of the fact that Motley Mae does mental health awareness, I wanted to start writing what I go through each day. I go through unimaginable thoughts but I also talk myself down from the feelings created. I had a good friend tell me that he always enjoyed reading my blogs about infertility. Why not take that on with mental health awareness.
A typical day for me would be my eyes opening up at about 5am on average and I choose to stay awake. I enjoy sometimes a cup of coffee while I watch a show in bed or I am so overly wound up that I clean, put laundry away and more. I tend to always be running late due to my inability to stick to a task.
Zoey gets woken up and she gets to her grandma's house (my mama or robs mama). From then on, I am in a world of chaos. Mentally. Yes, I work at the high school so that can be chaos at even given moment but my mind is constant chaos. Sometimes, I am quiet and read a book or surf the internet. Other times I am hyper, talkative and enjoy learning more about my students rather their favorite sports or talking about school work. I prefer the hyper person over the quiet as my thoughts continuously create worry.
After work, I never know what I decide to do. But I can tell you, its the easy part. Bed time is my hard part. I am terrified of the dreams or the insomnia. I over think about what I need to get done. I also can't figure out for the life of me, how to breathe.
Each day is different. Each day is wondering what will be when I know damn well, I have no control over that. Speaking of control, I make my bed every single morning -- know why?-- I HAVE CONTROL over this. I have realized that I CAN control how my bed is made. I CAN control what I wear. My anxiety is control based and being able to have some sort of control has helped.
This blog is not only for me but is for those who may need someone to relate to. It also truly will help me. Help by journaling and giving others a look into why I am such a huge advocate for mental health awareness.
I hope to have followers as I did with infertility because I believe this can help others.
Peace Out Pickle Juice.
But, although I wish I was married to Jack at times, this is about us. All the ones who suffer with mental illness out loud, silent or may not have an understanding at all. My understanding, personally, is that I am a fucked up individual. Anxiety, depression and sometimes manicky. Many of us think we are fucked up. Are we? Are you? or has this become out loud, talked about and acknowledged that we all existed but silently before the wave of awareness became.
I won't lie, I fear many situations due to my anxiety. I fear sleep at times. I fear self destruction due to my ability to flip shit at any moment.
Outside of the fact that Motley Mae does mental health awareness, I wanted to start writing what I go through each day. I go through unimaginable thoughts but I also talk myself down from the feelings created. I had a good friend tell me that he always enjoyed reading my blogs about infertility. Why not take that on with mental health awareness.
A typical day for me would be my eyes opening up at about 5am on average and I choose to stay awake. I enjoy sometimes a cup of coffee while I watch a show in bed or I am so overly wound up that I clean, put laundry away and more. I tend to always be running late due to my inability to stick to a task.
Zoey gets woken up and she gets to her grandma's house (my mama or robs mama). From then on, I am in a world of chaos. Mentally. Yes, I work at the high school so that can be chaos at even given moment but my mind is constant chaos. Sometimes, I am quiet and read a book or surf the internet. Other times I am hyper, talkative and enjoy learning more about my students rather their favorite sports or talking about school work. I prefer the hyper person over the quiet as my thoughts continuously create worry.
After work, I never know what I decide to do. But I can tell you, its the easy part. Bed time is my hard part. I am terrified of the dreams or the insomnia. I over think about what I need to get done. I also can't figure out for the life of me, how to breathe.
Each day is different. Each day is wondering what will be when I know damn well, I have no control over that. Speaking of control, I make my bed every single morning -- know why?-- I HAVE CONTROL over this. I have realized that I CAN control how my bed is made. I CAN control what I wear. My anxiety is control based and being able to have some sort of control has helped.
This blog is not only for me but is for those who may need someone to relate to. It also truly will help me. Help by journaling and giving others a look into why I am such a huge advocate for mental health awareness.
I hope to have followers as I did with infertility because I believe this can help others.
Peace Out Pickle Juice.
Comments
Post a Comment